I was never a person that "think" too much.
Especially when it relates to God. For past years, I was always a person that read/hear what the Bible says, accepts it...and sometimes practice it for a while, and then forget it until the next time I read/hear about the message again.
For the past two years, with all the things that are happening in my life, all the uncertainties....I began to ask a lot of questions, and ponder... Questions like:
How does this particular message from God relates to my life?
What does God want me to learn during all these darkness periods? What does he want to accomplish in my life in allowing all these things to happen?
Is God's grace sufficient for me?
What is my purpose in life? What does God want me to do?
The more severe questions...
Does God really loves me?
Is God here with me, where is his presence?
Is God real?
These are sometimes what people call "sinful" questions, especially when it did came out of a c
hristian's mind ...but I feel that one will experience the "LOST" period during some stage(s) in their life. It is better to ask these questions and find out the answers sooner than later.
AS you can see in these questions....these two years is a searching and a "LOST" period for me, both
spiritually and mentally. With all the
uncertainties....all the relationship problems....all the sickness that I am experiencing - Somewhere, somehow I lost my focus. There were a lot of times that I had NO desire to go to church, had NO desire to care about others. Had No desire to serve....
Until my best friend, also a sister in Christ reminded me....that even though I am lost, but I have to remember my identity. I have to remember who I am....for I am one of God's people.
When there were times that I didn't want to listen to God's words, God sent little messengers to help me out. It could be people closest to me, or it could be an elder that I never talk with much. But I can hear God's words through them during the difficult time in my life...
And at the few times that I finally pick up the Bible,
EVERY TIME I read it...EVERY TIME I can hear God talking to me and answering specific questions that I had.
I guess what I am trying to say is that God is here in my life...in the most difficult time, God cares and God loves me. His grace is sufficient for me.
Just comparing one year before and now - looking back, in almost the same situation....I found myself better than the ME one year ago. My patience is more....my faith is stronger...As
Sammi Cheng said in her recent concert, "To win is to win a better me. Life is me competing with myself, as we should not compare/compete with other."
To summarize, using another message that I heard from this beloved singer/actress that I adore very much during her concert, "I will follow him....the HIM is God/Jesus, he will provide me with the strength I need to face myself, and my future."
Another Bible passage during devotion that I really like:
Hosea 6:1-3
"COME, LET us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear"
At difficult times, it's hard to understand why our lovely father will "torn" us or "injure" us. This is the time when I had questioned him. But I am his people and since I belong to him, he has all the authorities in my life. I really need to learn to humble myself. What he has prepared are things that I can get through (2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.) His timetable could be 2 days or 2 years or 20 years, before he heals me....but there is hope in HIM. When the time comes, he will revive me, he will restore me...I just have to get through it and wait patiently to see what he has prepared for me. The important thing here is that I continue to acknowledge him and have faith in him during these time. And one day, in his time, I will experience his grace, like the sun. And throughout this process, I will become a better, stronger christian.
