Birthday

Almost 5 am, boxing day....looking out the window...CN tower still have Christmas light....Everyone is asleep...the emptiness inside my heart is as strong as ever. Have so much I want to tell, but no one is left to listen...

My dad called to say "Happy birthday!" to me...and then I realize my birthday is no longer the same. First birthday after my parents are separated. Hard to imagine how 28 years ago, they happily gave birth to me...together... from now on, my birthday has a different meaning...

It's hard because I realize I didn't celebrate my birthday with them much in the past, now, I no longer have a chance to share. It's hard because for my mom, me, and my dad, this day we will have memories that we no longer want to share. And from now on, we will not be spending this day together. And it doesn't help that today is also Christmas. It's hard because everyone is having fun in the party, and you have to hide your sadness and pretend everything is ok.

1 1/2 years now....I still don't think I have recovered and I don't know when I will recover.

I am no longer the same person 1 1/2 years ago. no longer sensible, always doubting...

I really don't know what to say/share anymore. really feel like hiding from people these days...

消失下...安靜下...

一個大男人，本來有家... 但他自己選擇放棄。可能這些年來他也不快樂？才有這決定... 但現在也不覺他開心... 生命好像不由自主，好像所有都是被別人控制... 但其實一切都是由他選擇... 只是這次他太錯了。

看到這裡；可能你會說他抵死... 可是我不能。因為他是我的父親。

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愈來愈覺得自己不懂與人分享... Vincent其外... 結了婚的人是這麼的嗎？我想不是...

好朋友，大概你到現在也不太明白... 為什麼我今天說我們太少通話，遲早就會像陌路人... 其實是因為這正是我曾經歷過的... 所以我更害怕失去... 這兩年，我最大感受是人與人之間關係是可以很快消失... 所以我比以前更珍惜。

可惜，原來我們想法不同。要不然，你也不會在當我demand多点communicate時，你卻remind我我們從前也是不多見，不多通電話的...

說到這裹，我大概沒有什麼可以再說。只好返回自己沈默的位置。我想，是時候退下來，消失下...安靜下...

鄭秀文受浸活出真我 (明報)

Have not written a post for long time. Busy, lazy, and really didn't have much that I wanted to share about....

Couldn't resist to include this happy moment for my beloved singer/actress....very happy for her. To see how God had transformed her...is truly amazing...And a very good reminder for me to find the real me...and the real values in life.

【明報專訊】「在我未來人生路途中，我有更重要的使命要去擔當，我現在內心所擁有的平安，是金錢所買不到的，上帝之前給予我的放逐，無非是要讓我找到真正的自己，現在我才是活出真正的自己，擁有真正生命價值。」

在娛樂圈出道18年的鄭秀文 ，昨日與寇鴻萍 、翁家穗、于莉及一位圈外朋友接受浸禮，Sammi在台上講出信仰的見證，說到這番話時，一向堅強的她忍不住落淚，但臉上卻充滿笑容，因為她找到真正的喜樂。昨日到場看她受浸的，除了經理人、助手及曾傳交惡的前助手阿爽之外，還有林青霞、毛舜筠 、鄭裕玲 、琦琦等多位圈中朋友。

前助手阿爽林青霞出席支持
Sammi說：「大家都習慣迎合世界的價值觀去處事，但卻欠缺活出真正自己的勇氣，正如過往的我，只活在充滿價值觀的生命中，當我以為擁有一切時，其實心中一無所有，我曾嘗試用很多成就去填滿心中空虛，原來情更恐怖，我內心更一無所有，只會永無止境的在名利場中追逐，根本無法認清自己的生命還有什麼。」

以往迎合世界價值觀處事
鄭秀文昨日受浸，正式成為「新造的人」，有了信仰後的她，一改以往予人「永遠專橫臭脾氣」的感覺，臉上已難見黑面，更永遠保持微笑，即使記者聞風而至採訪，因受浸而素顏示人的Sammi也全程保持笑容，難怪獲得「鄭四萬」的新外號了。